When Having a Baby Stops Being Fun

I love being a mom. From the time I held my firstborn in my arms my life was forever changed. My heart was completely stolen by this tiny baby and I was smitten...for life. I felt exactly the same way after all of my babies. I had 4 of them and the newness of holding a baby never wore off. Babies are beautiful and they bless our lives so much. They also change our lives so much, right?!

It's true. Babies change everything. The way we think, feel, sleep, and eat. The way we talk and interact with others. Baby talk is a second language! They change the people we hang out with....who wants weirdos around their kid? And, forget about allowing them to spend the night ANYWHERE because EVERYONE is a perpetrator. Forget going to the bathroom alone until they're in school. They even change the way we have sex! From here on out until that baby is out of the house there's only whispering and making sure your mattress isn't squeaky and that's when you actually want sex...which is like, once a year when you have a baby! That thing is sucking on your boobs all day long and your arms are tired from holding them. Your legs are tired from walking them around all day and all night. When they can walk they hang off you all day. Who wants to be touched by a man at that point? For real. There's sleepless nights of exhaustive crying...for both the baby and the mom. There's frustration with babies when you don't know what to do to make them stop crying because they don't know how to tell you what's wrong...they can only cry and scream and wail...forever. There's worrying about them when they're hurt and countless trips to the ER because you'd rather be safe than sorry. And, there's anxiety over whether you're messing them up or not! I mean, are they gonna need a therapist when they're 30 because you let them cry themselves to sleep or because they sucked their thumb until they were 4?!

My kids are now 11-20 years old but I remember. I know. I've been there. You, young mama's, I feel for you, most of the time, I really do. I see your exhaustion. I hear your frustration and unanswerable questions. I would love to help you. I have a lot of baby experience and I love mentoring younger women. I have tricks of the trade and secrets to baby whispering! I could help you....if you would allow me to. But, there's this irritating thing that keeps you from hearing me and from hearing all of us who have done this. Superiority and pride. You think you're gonna raise your baby different than we did 15 or 20 or even 50 years ago. Your way is better than my way or your gram's way or your gram's gram's way. You're more enlightened. There's different research now. Your kids will be better than ours, smarter than ours, more loving than ours, more attached to you (are you sure you really want that?) Your kids will be more everything than mine are and more everything than every generation that has ever come before you. Ever.

I am certain that I was exactly that way when my first kid came. I wanted to parent perfectly, way different than I was parented. I was gonna do it my way. I read every parenting book that I could get my hands on. I learned everything that I could...on my own. Nobody could tell me anything. My kids would be perfect little angels. Welp....that didn't happen! Then, the second baby comes and the third and the fourth. By then, you're watching other moms who have gone before you and begging for advice because their kids seem awesome! How did they do that?! You're calling your own mom and asking her what the heck you're supposed to do when your baby isn't cooperating with your researched, expert parenting strategy. When they give you advice you actually heed their advice because you are suddenly aware that those experts don't even have kids! Your best intentions are insufficient. You're asking questions. You're pleading for answers. You're desperate to know how they did it, what worked and what didn't. Every baby brings a little more mama wisdom and a few more friends who bring love and laughter and humor. Every baby helps you to relax and conclude that you are not a perfect parent and your child is not a perfect baby and your parenting style isn't perfect either. Trust me, your kids will remind you constantly that you are not perfect and neither are they! But, isn't this part of the process of growing kids, growing up and growing old(er)? Humility. We are not perfect. Our kids are as#h*@les sometimes and that is ok because all kids are sometimes and honestly, parents are, too...sometimes.

When we are young we are know-it-alls. We have it all figured out...until we realize that we don't! As we get humbled by not being able to control a temper tantrum or we have to admit that we are the proud owner of that kid over there who just threw sand in some random ladies hair for unknown reasons we start to shrink our egos a little bit. We take a deep breath and learn that we need our moms and our grandmoms and our women. We need them to help us parent better. Not because we are failing at parenting but because they have already failed. A thousand times they've failed and they can help you from making the same mistakes that they made. Or, they can make our mountains feel like the mole hills they really are. Most importantly, they've succeeded. A thousand times they've done it right and they can also share those victories with you. You have to receive that though.

I see you young mama's frazzled and disheveled and you don't have to be. There's tricks and secrets. Your baby isn't any different or any more stubborn or any smarter or any more willful than any other baby who has ever lived in the history of ever! Ask for advice and then take the advice! Some of us love to share our secrets with you. There's purpose in parenting. A mission among this madness!

Did you know that you can actually sleep all night. Yes, really! You can train a baby to sleep all night which means that you, pretty mama, can get your beauty sleep or your sanity sleep! You can teach a child how to comfort themselves which gives you a few minutes to take a shower! It's ok to let an older baby cry and learn how to comfort himself. Actually, you're doing your baby and yourself a huge disservice by caving in to their every peep. Research that! There are ways out there and you need to know these ways! Life with a baby doesn't have to be as hard as you are making it look! They're so sweet and amazing....when they sleep all night! They bring so much joy to our lives...when they know how to play with their toys and not bug you ALL DAY! You can get out for a few hours, alone. You can get away for a day or two. It's actually good for your child to get a break from you, too! I know this is shocking for some of you to think your child needs a break from you but it's true! It's also important for your child to learn how to cope without his or her mama. Crazy, right?! It's important that your child learns how to respect other adults, not just you! What in the......?! This is the real kicker.....it's important that your child isn't the center of the universe because....hear me......she ISN'T!!

Nobody needs a PhD to give you some tips on less stressful parenting with babies. We all have life experience that is way more enlightened and proved than your book. Allow others to step in and help you and love on you and love on your babies. We need one another. We don't need any more competition to do it better or do it right-er. We just need an ear and a hug and a laugh and an encouraging word. Failing together. Messing up together. And, best of all, celebrating the victories together! Where there is a lesson learned there is always a victory.

I love being a mom. It's my most important life work. I've failed. My kids have failed. But we love like crazy. I have taken my job as a mom very seriously. I have parented and trained with a fierce purpose because I knew that I wanted a healthy, strong relationship with my kids. I knew that because I saw that in parents who had gone before me and I watched them interact with their kids. I learned way more from other moms than I did from reading a book. Books are good but people are better. I had to take a step back some days and realize that I was way more stressed out than other people were and I needed to know why. So, I asked them for help and I followed their example and advice and it made my job as a mom so much easier. The less stress I had as a mom meant I could spend more time with my kids enjoying them and loving them and being loved back by them. I learned that they were really amazing little people who I loved being around! My kids are good...thriving, really. I can honestly say that we made it. And, you will make it. Ask for help and heed advice. Always go with your gut but be humble enough to see when your way is stressing you out instead of working well! There's zillions of moms who have gone before you and who have done it well. Look around. We will be right here giggling at you, watching that beautiful baby of yours train YOU and wondering when you're gonna figure out that there is an easier way. When will you figure out that you're the parent and you are the one that needs to be doing the training? It's fun to watch but we know that your mental stability is at stake here! Forget sending your kids to therapy because you messed up...YOU'RE gonna need therapy soon if you don't ask for help! We got your back. We are here for you when you're ready...just ask.

Proverbs 11:14- Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 15:22- Without advice plans go wrong, but with many advisers they succeed.

Proverbs- 20:18 Plans succeed through good counsel; don’t go to war without wise advice.

Proverbs- 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,but a wise man listens to advice.