Really, God?

I'm a rebel at heart. I always have been. I do not like it when anyone tells me what to do. In fact, tell me what to do and watch me do the exact opposite! I don't like rules either, especially dumb rules that don't make sense. I love breaking the rules! I question authority and research everything until I have come to my own conclusion which may or may not agree with your conclusion. But, it's always my own conclusion. I don't know why I'm like this. Why do I question everything? Why am I so rebellious....maybe it's for "such a time as this?" (The Bible)

For the past couple of years I've been arguing with God about something pretty big. My rebel heart, my questions, my flat out refusal to do something has kept me in constant, inner turmoil.

God has called me to become a minister. Here's how the conversation goes:

"Lee'Ann, you know I've told you that I want you to plant a church in your hometown. I told you to do this almost 20 years ago now. "

Me to God: "I know that, and now that I live here again I am trying, God. Nobody comes anymore. That's not my fault."

God: "Nobody comes anymore because you let other people take over this vision that I gave you. You allowed other people to derail you and the vision. YOU are supposed to be the leader here."

Me: "Lord, that's ridiculous. I cannot be the leader or minister of a church... lead a church?! I'm a woman."

God: "LeeLee, you know that's a dumb answer....you've been studying this women in leadership stuff for years. You know that I call women into the ministry, too, and you know that thousands and thousands of women have thriving ministries. That's a lame excuse. Where is your rebel heart now?!"

Me: "God, I am not qualified to be a minister. I do not have a PhD in Divinity. I can't do it. No."

God: "I don't call the equipped. I equip the called. How many more times do you need to hear this one? Why are you buying into this lie. I said, 'Where is your rebel heart now?'"

Me: "I am scared. People will scoff at me. I won't be taken seriously. Nobody in my circle thinks it 's ok for women to be ministers. How's THAT gonna work?!"

God: "This isn't about you and if that's how they feel then they aren't your circle. And, honestly, when are you ever scared? BTW, you are already a minister. A minister is someone who attends to the needs of others, they care for others."

Me: "Oh. hmmm....ya, I guess."

God: "There are addicts in your town that need to feel connected and accepted. There are hungry children and families that need to be fed. There are abused women who need you to reach out and help them. There are Christians all around you who forgot what it feels like to be the "church." There are children of God who need to learn to be healthy so they can thrive in life and fulfill their purpose! Some of my people have forgotten what serving me and serving others means. Who will remind them? Your community needs me and I have chosen YOU, Lee'Ann, to lead a church and meet needs and serve them and love them. Is your table big enough? Are you ready to do this? I've got your back. Your husband has got your back. Even your children support you and help you! It's time to stop arguing with me and just do it!"

Me: "I'm still scared. I am divorced. I have baggage. I like wine! Lord, what are you thinking?"

God: "OMG. Stop. I am the one who brought wine to the wedding, remember? Also, every single person in the world has baggage, has a past, has hard lessons learned, has lived through fallen world stuff. You are no different, no worse, no better, than any other person that I've called. Use your disasters to minister to my people. Help them through their hard stuff. You know hard stuff...use it for Me and for them."

Me:"OK. OK. Let me check with my husband first."

(I seriously said this.)

God."I am speechless right now."

Me: a little more silence and pretending not to hear or know or see all the affirmations that God keeps sending me....a little more arguing... finally, with a lot of weariness, "Ok. God. I'll do it."

God: "In the name of Jesus, I am calling you to boldly minister to my people. And, by minister I mean, shovel snow, deliver meals, pray with hurting people, celebrate victories, help, include, counsel, serve and always love wherever you can, facilitate Bible studies and teach. Plant a church that is more than just another Sunday morning sermon! Lead. I am calling YOU to do this. No other voice matters. Do you understand?"

Me: (sigh) "Yes, Lord."

So, this has been my struggle for at least two years. I've been wrestling with God. At the end of it all, do I believe God is who He says He is and do I believe that God can do what He says He can do? My answer has to stop being, "No, Lord." My rebel heart has to say, "Yes, Lord. Here I am. Use me." (The Bible)

So, I'm coming out. I'm stepping up. I am humbly announcing that I am an ordained minister. A part of me loves this because it's so rebellious from how I grew in Christianity. So many people, in my circle, truly believe women cannot lead or even teach men, or lead in a church. These people need to read the Bible more! So, really, God is romancing me here. He is taking my rebellious spirit and He is using it for "such a time as this."

Many amazing men and women that I have been learning from have taught me that it's not really about leading, anyways. It's about serving and giving, ministering. My life, whether I'm an ordained minister or not, should be about serving in the name of Jesus. The leading part is just natural for me. I'm good at it. I lead by serving and giving. Leading is my God-given gift. It shows up strongly in every personality test that I do. I am a leader. God made me that way. Who will silence me then? Who will oppress me? Not Jesus, that's for sure!

I am breaking out and being set free. I love helping others do the same! We have a life to live and people to serve! Together, we can change the world! Let's start with our families, then our neighbors and communities, then let's go further! I am studying Scriptures and especially studying the original language and the historical context of the Bible. I am taking class after class to make sure I am ready to counsel, help and serve in any way that I can. I am tearing down walls. I am fleeing from legalism and incorrect, misleading interpretation of God's Word and I am running straight into the truth and freedom of Jesus. Jesus was a rebel, too, ya know. Maybe that's where I get it ;-)

So, here I am. I am here to serve you. I love praying. I am a Life Coach and now a minister for Jesus. I'm offering you my hand. Together, and especially with Jesus at our center, we can work through anything. I want to help you thrive and live. Jesus wants you to thrive and live! There's so much life to be lived. Let's figure this out!

I don't know what the future holds, I don't know exactly where this is going, and I have no idea what this will look like, but I am ready.

Will you join me?

Galatians 5:1 It was for this freedom that Christ set us free [completely liberating us]; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery [which you once removed]. (Amplified)

Galatians 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. (ESV)

Galatians 5:1 The Messiah[a] has set us free so that we may enjoy the benefits of freedom.[b] So keep on standing firm in it, and stop putting yourselves under the yoke of slavery again. (ISV)